So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
