But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
