Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
