Soap is not a condiment
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
two words...techno handjob
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
