3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
