my mouth tastes like poor choices
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
