Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize