got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
