I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
