So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
