its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
