So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
