When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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