I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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