i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
