You're my little dorito
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
