do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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