oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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