brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
