Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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