Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
