Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
