laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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