I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
