he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
