We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
