Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
