just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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