I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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