Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
