i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
