That's intense
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
