So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
