Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
