ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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