I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Randomize
