Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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