Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh god it's open bar.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
