Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
