Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
