In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
