Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
