So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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