I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
