Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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