I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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