there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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