When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
