Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
