she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
time to smoke my breakfast
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
