we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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