Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
