She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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