What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
