then he tried to convert me to islam
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
