when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
