bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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