This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
