Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
