why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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