those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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