Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We have so much sex to catch up on
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
