he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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