Non-Jews are for practice
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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