i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
