you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
