he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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