Best friends brother. Beat that.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
