your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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