You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize