it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
