my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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