do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want a musical about memes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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